Dear Me,

Note to Self:

It is not okay to...

• Let your child chew on your Coach bag and assume baby saliva won't harm leather
  
• Ignore the fact that she's eating your checkbook because it keeps her quiet
• Run the other way when you see the clingy one coming
• Give them yogurt melts instead of breakfast
• Put them in stained clothes and assume everyone will think it happened before you saw them (Tide Stain Release is a joke, y'all.)
  
• Put on your makeup in the car because they're contained in their carseats and can't hit your legs mid-eyeliner
• Laugh when your two year old reprimands you for not using the Dora potty when you do your business
• Hide too well to be found, just to enjoy the darkness of a cool closet. It is also not okay to stay hidden when Daddy says, "Okay Mommy...you can come out now...Lucy's waiting..." He probably knows what you're up to.
  
• Count to ten and then let them stay hidden for another 3 minutes just to have a blissfully quiet moment

It is also not okay to let your 9-month-old eat refrigerator magnets while you blog.

So I have to go now.