Depletion.

It's 7am and the house is starting to wake up. I am getting up with a splitting headache after nursing the babies all night. I'm starting to wonder if I should also be snacking throughout the night to keep myself feeling better. The babies are each nursing about three time a night and I think I'm getting seriously dehydrated as the night wears on. I'm guessing that in addition to drinking water through the night it would probably also be smart to have at least one snack. Breastfeeding is going great, but it feels like there is just no way to stay hydrated. I really don't mind feeding someone every hour or less, and the days are easier because I can snack and drink all day long, but the past few mornings I'm waking up feeling like I'm sick, with headaches mostly. My lips are also chapped and I just can't get them to recover, which is another sign that things aren't right.

We took the boys to the doctor for their two - week checkup yesterday and they're both gaining perfectly, which gives me the determination to go on. Formula for two would be outrageously expensive, and I love the special time with the babies. I also know I'm at the two-week mark and even nursing one at two weeks is torture, as they're trying to feed constantly to bump my supply for their next growth spurt. The two-week mark is usually my lowest low when I'm nursing one, so rationally I know that getting through this week will be a big accomplishment for all of us. I have done a great job of keeping my wits about me and not letting my body and hormones dictate my mood, and I know that the next few days will be a big challenge. I am also dealing with two spots on my incision that are open and trying to heal, so it could be a long weekend. Somehow I'm finding the grace to put everyone else first, which is not something I do well. I would like to wrap up this weekend and Andrew's baby leave with a smiling family, and while that may mean a little more work on my part, I would love to give Andrew the memory of a wonderful vacation and not have him remembering an emotional, fried wife. So far the strength I've found during these few weeks has not been my own. God is so good, to give me even an ounce of the grace He has shared to this point.

Stay tuned. I'm going to blog about my mother-in-law next. All the juicy details on her stay! ;-)