Maybe no one wants to hear what I have to say about gay marriage. If that's the case, you have several moments to click on the "x" at the top of your screen.
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And here we go.
I am so agitated by the people who say it's hateful to oppose gay "marriage." Hate? No. What I feel is an intense sorrow and disappointment that there are so many people out there who feel that whatever "makes you happy" is the route to choose for your life. That there are no consequences when it comes to the choices you make for your life.
I don't know where it comes from, the desire/drive to homesexual attraction.
Maybe it's nurture. We all have so many things to overcome from our childhoods. We're called to rise above what has damaged us and trust that there is a strength inside us that can see past our circumstances. The human spirit is like rubber, bouncing back over and over and over. If homosexuality is something a person is raised to lean toward, I would reason that they can also be raised to lean away from it.
Maybe it's nature. Does that make it okay to embrace alcoholism, since it's been proven to run in families? Can we choose to stay morbidly obese because somewhere in our genes our metabolism doesn't work at an optimal level? I personally was born with a drive to talk. Talk, talk, talk, without regard to the people around me. As I've grown into the woman I am now, I've learned that my natural drive to talk incessantly doesn't contribute to the world around me. I've learned to humble myself and keep my mouth shut, even though chattering nonstop is in my genes. Just ask my mom. And my grandma. And my great-grandma. Nonstop chatter. Some people drink, we tend to just keep our feet in our mouths. But my "nature" is something I've worked hard to overcome. Just because I was born talking doesn't mean the world needs to stop and listen.
I am of the mind that God designed the world to work perfectly. When he created Adam and Eve (is she seriously jumping on the bible wagon?!), He created a system that complements a perfect design. He made it so that we have everything we need to produce children and continue the human race. We have no need of science and outside interference. Isn't that beautiful? The male and female are so perfectly designed that we can not only live together in harmony, but we can actually make other people. I can't ignore that. I cannot subscribe to the belief that a union without the potential to produce is a union that can be free, faithful, fruitful and total.
"But Laura, what about people who can't have kids due to infertility? Are you seriously saying that their marriages aren't real? That they shouldn't get married?" Der, no. So many marriages can't produce children, for this reason and that. It's a terrible, painful, agonizing issue within marriage. But many, many cases of unexplained infertility are suddenly fruitful, and miracles do happen. The children born in these circumstances are such a blessing!
I liken it to an orchard. Imagine you have a little plot in an orchard, and you put a seed in the ground. In a perfect world, that seed (boy) will really take hold in the dirt (girl) and will grow into a tree (marriage). But you have to have a seed and some dirt to grow a tree. Some seeds can be planted in the wrong soil. We see it happen. But ideally, you've planted your seed in the right soil, and it grows into a tree. That tree may, indeed, produce apples, oranges, pears, plums. (These are kids) But what if that tree (marriage) doesn't bear fruit? Many, many trees don't. Some produce the solace of shade. Others provide a place to climb, to provide an amazing view. Yet more trees provide piles and piles of leaves for children to romp and play. (adoption, anyone?) And sometimes, just when hope is lost, a barren tree produces fruit. Every single tree has value, without or without fruit. They provide oxygen and clean air. They provide the materials to build other things. The more I think about trees, the more I totally see it. You really never know the value of a tree until, many years later, it has affected generations. Just like a strong marriage, a tree can span decades, giving different gifts to different people. The Farmer truly knows each tree, and He knows how to grow a strong orchard.
"But Laura, what about adoption?!" Adoption is so, so, so beautiful. I do not agree with gay adoption because I feel that whenever possible, a child should have the gift of a man and a woman raising the child together. Each sex offers a different way of nurturing, and those two different people work together to impart those gifts. In turn, those gifts produce a strong, confident adult. "But we have so many children that need to be adopted!" We also have SO many heterosexual couples who so selfishly do not adopt. There are more than enough heterosexual couples out there to adopt any childn many times over, but our culture is a "me-first" culture. Why adopt someone else's kid when you can get all the attention and gifts for having one of your own and posting all of your pregancy pics on Facebook? Why on EARTH would you take on someone else's emotional baggage when you have so much of your own? If married couples took a moment to truly examine their motives for not adopting, there would be so few arguments against it. Since having my own children, I do believe that a child truly yearns for the burning heart of his mother and protective heart of his father. Anything short of that feels very, very wrong to me. "But what about single moms and dads?" Of course they're out there, and I don't doubt that they give their utmost to provide, but I'm not talking about the circumstances that befall a married/cohabitating couple. I'm talking about the circumstances surrounding an adoption placement. You can split hairs eight different ways and there will always be a child in need of something, but I believe that when possible, we should start each child out (or repair prior damage) with the potential of a strong nuclear family.
There are a million questions you could ask me, but I just answered a couple of the "hot" ones that come to mind every time I hear the gay marriage debate.
I do agree that every person is entitled to love and satisfaction. Where have we strayed that love and satisfaction cannot be found in a life of service and chaste friendship? Our culture has skewed sexuality to such a degree that "chastity" is a word reserved for freaky Fundamentalist teens. In reality, chastity is something that allows you to reach beyond your sinful (and I only mean this in the most biblical original sin sense) nature and really make something of a gift of your sexuality. Within our own marriage, Andrew and I practice chastity through NFP. Everyone is called to periods of chastity, and some are called to a life of it. What you do with that call to live a chaste life can be a gift or a curse. By turning sex into a carnal need and "right" rather than a gift to honor, we've created an culture that demands what they want, when they want it. Some people just never happen upon that gift, and that's OKAY. There are so many other gifts to pull out of life.
What bothers me is the agenda set before us. If we don't agree with the homosexual lifestyle/marriage/adoption/what-have-you, we're instantly homophobic bigots. I'm not afraid of homosexuals, I'm not anti-gay, I'm not filled with hate. I simply have an opinion. Be that as it may, this post may still be seen as intolerant and hateful. That's a risk I have to take, because my silence can be seen as support for something I truly oppose. When my children come back someday and read this blog, regardless of place the world is in, I don't want them to assume that I opposed gay marriage because I hated gays. I want them to know that I opposed it because my vocation and sacramental vows rested on a word that was in danger. The life I lead is one that IS marriage. I am not a person in a marriage. I am a marriage that used to be two people. Marriage isn't a lifestyle. It's a life, and for Catholics, it's a path to Heaven. Reducing it to anything less is dangerous, and as a Roman Catholic, allowing that reduction is a sin.
The Catholic Church doesn't want people to be unhappy. When you see a friend doing something dangerous, you pull them aside and say, "What on earth is going on here? I love you and want the best for you!" That is what the Church is doing in staying strong on this issue. You can paint it with any brush you want, but the picture stays the same. Marriage is a sacrament between a man and a woman, and there are reasons for that. Just as we wouldn't allow a friend to assume that drunk driving is only dangerous to the person who's driving, we can't allow our friends to assume that the gay marriage issue affects one soul at a time.
