I've been sewing furiously around here, trying to create a decent-sized stash. "A stash of what?" you might ask.
Napkins! Cloth napkins! A major discovery has been made in the House of C, and we're gung-ho for a well-set table.
See, we landed on something interesting about 3 or 4 months ago. I decided I'd like my table to be pretty approximately 75% of the time. No small feat with toddlers. I love to walk into the kitchen and see the table laid out beautifully and looking like a family is about to dine. And you know something? When the table's set, we dine! I am always more likely to make a delicious, nutritious dinner when I've spent part of my time preparing the table. It sounds insane, but our family sort of transforms when we sit down at the table. The girls mellow, our moods lighten, we laugh and talk and everyone walks away satisfied.
Really, consciously setting the table doesn't just improve our moods, but it improves our manners. I don't think you'd believe it unless you see it. At two years and a couple of months, Molly is being fine-tuned all day long, every day. She's a giant mess of knees, elbows, tantrums and trouble. But put her at the dining room table and she sits up straighter and behaves. I think part of it is being at our height. Both girls have booster seats at the table that help them sit up well and meet our eyes, and that really helps the conversation. I've found that when I include Molly directly and put her at my height for just about anything, she'll last much longer and be so much more coooperative. I don't always want her at my height, but I'd rather have a cheerful kid in the middle of my business than a screaming toddler who feels like no one wants her around.
We keep a tablecloth on the table at all times. I alternate between 3 or 4 and one tablecloth will last for about 5 days. IF we keep the placemats on the table. We have cloth placemats and they generally don't make it more than 3 days. We do have toddlers, after all. With the tablecloth and placemats, there is definitely some sliding and adjusting throughout the day, but the girls have learned to be careful and to use their picnic table next to the dining room table for arts and crafts and messy stuff. Lucy is always the first to ask, "Where should I sit?"
We use cloth napkins at every meal, for the most part. The problem I have with paper napkins is that kids need to wipe their faces and hands, and paper napkins just aren't durable enough. To buy the right paper napkins, we're spending far too much money that could be used elsewhere. So we have several designs and they all match all of the tablecloths. Very important! Nobody wants to have to pair these napkins with that tablecloth and those placemats. Blah. I keep a small stack of cloth napkins on the table at breakfast and lunch, and the girls are always quick to grab one if they think they need it. Another thing I'm loving is that they don't grab more than one, because their fingers land on something substantial. I've started working on keeping the napkins on the laps just this week, and I think we're almost ready to debut their newest trick to Daddy!
At dinner, each place is actually set, plate first, napkin next, silverware on top. I'm trying to start serving dinner AT the table so that the girls can see what things look like and make their own choices. I think Lucy, for one, is much more receptive to trying things when she gets to ask for it and try serving it herself. She is really getting adventurous with her eating and recently she's a real joy to have at the table. Molly will eat almost anything, but we're learning that when she tells us she doesn't like it the first time, she'll do two bites and then she's absolutely finished. Push for that third bite and she'll turn inside out, screaming "NO WANT IT!!!!" But considering how polite she is usually and how willing she is to try the first two bites, we usually bend the "three bites" rule with her.
The girls drink with small, real glass drinking glasses. They're durable, but we have constant spills. I can't figure out how to stop the spills other than practice, so we just try to mop up as quickly as possible and return to the meal. I'd say we're down to two or so spills a week, so we are definitely getting somewhere.
Each girl is expected to ask to be excused and to scrape their plates and return them to the sink. Molly is actually very, very good at this and always remembers to clean up her place. (Which is a wonder, considering she can't remember that the number 9 doesn't come after 4.) Lucy is good at it only because it gives her a chance to say, "My manners are SO good!" Humility is always so difficult for the first-borns...
I'm finding that the more we expect, the more we get in return. I suppose it's kind of like staying at the Four Seasons. Their employees expect to work hard and are thanked in return by appreciative employers and guests who expect nothing but the best service. The pride of working in a place known for excellent service reveals itself in the service they offer. Likewise, the service I get at Taco Bell is never really very good, but I also never expect much.
Giving the girls ample opportunities to practice their manners gives them time to get it right and receive the praise they need to keep going. Yeah, it's exhausting sometimes, but I would always rather be the mom who picks up her daughter from a sleepover and hears, "Your daughter is so polite; how do you do it?"
Another thing that's interesting about setting the table is that the girls see more of the work that goes into family dinner time. Lucy seems to appreciate the whole thing a lot more when she sees that Mommy irons the napkins to get the big wrinkles out, we have to put the tablecloths in the laundry, we need to pick out the right forks, etc, etc, etc. She's seeing the work that we have to put in, and likes to help as much as she can. When she's been helping with the little tasks during the day, she's so much more likely to take ownership in her dinner.
I realize that many people don't stay home and don't have ample time for setting the table and cooking a big meal. Most of our meals aren't big so much as planned. If I can take 15 minutes a week to decide what we're going to eat each night, I'm more likely to cook when the time comes. Last night, it was Pizza Hut with paper towels and two girls dancing in the booth. Tonight, it'll be chicken and pasta on a half-set table, as I've been sewing all day. If I can get 4 out of 7 nights covered, I'm happy. We do lots of crock-pot stuff, and that helps even when we're at home all day. Molly's naps put me into lazy-mode, and when she wakes up at 4, I'm not really prepared to cook dinner and get into Family Time yet. I'm working on that! As in, it's 4pm now and I'm blogging instead of putting the chicken in marinade. Hm.
Manners are always a work in progress around here, but learning a few tricks really is making it a little easier to encourage the kids to put their best foot forward. And really, we kind of owe it to them to turn out the best-mannered people we can. With great parenting power comes great parental responsibility and all that, you know!
