Remember when...

...I just wanted them to be over four pounds?

Update for you'n

I am listening to my daughters fight and wondering just how I'm going to make it through the next two hours. Come home,daddy! 

Yesterday's colonoscopy was just heavenly. You know, as heavenly as a colonoscopy can be. It all went fine, but the results were less than fantastic, sadly. I knew that my condition would be found to have progressed, but nobody likes hearing it, and let me just tell you, I am the queen of denial and optimism. 

The gist is this. My own particular brand of the disease has progressed, I am sicker than I have been before and I am starting to feel a little down. The idea of chronic pain is still relatively new to me as this disease never really caused me any pain. With each pregnancy, another painful part of it started to introduce itself, bringing me to where I am now. I now have more affected area in my colon and two large ulcers, as well as an eventual concern about perforation, should I go unmedicated. I go back in Tuesday to talk a little more in depth, and we'll start talking about drugs at that time. I anticipate starting immunosuppressive therapy within the month, which sounds positively thrilling, compared to what I'm dealing with right now. Most mornings I feel like I've been hit by a train, my abdomen is sore almost all the time, I'm tired most of the day and I feel pretty shaky doing almost everything. At this point, the thought of any drug that could give me relief is just so exciting. I just wish it was already Tuesday. 

On the other hand, the drugs come with risks. The thought of my life being shortened because of a drug I'm taking voluntarily makes me want to cry. My emotional state is not great right now, knowing what I'm about to sign up for. It's not easy to find a lot of happy stories about all of this, and I'm so tired of worrying. I want to live to at least 85. I want great grandchildren climbing all over me. I want to hold hands with my wrinkly old husband and laugh about how he can never find his wallet. I want to look for my reading glasses all morning and let Andrew yell, "they're sitting right on your damn head, you nut!" I want to drive my children as crazy as they drive me. I'm scared of all the side effects listed in the BOOKS that come with these drugs. I don't want to go in for blood tests every six months and wonder if this is the draw that will mean extra testing. 

I'm just nervy and now I'm being all pitiful. I'm not a pitiful person, and look at me! Acting like a complete baby about my freaking colon. I need more drama in my life. If all I have to worry about is my colon, I'm pretty sure my life is cake. 

Well, I have to drag myself out from under my cozy blankets and clean my house. The kids are outside singing Annie songs, so now is the perfect time to crack the whip and make them clean their room, right? "This place better shine like the top of the Chrysler building!" 

Don't worry about me, folks. It's probably just PMS and a lack of chocolate talking right now. What can you really expect from a stay at home mom of five on a Friday afternoon? It's a miracle I haven't gone completely batty at this point! 

On ANOTHER note, it's Molly Rose's 5th birthday! I'll put all of the birthday party pictures up soon, but until then, just imagine the most awesome Despicable Me party EVER, and you'll be very close to the experience. Tonight we're having homemade Mac and cheese, French dips, hot dogs, chocolate cake and ice cream with our sweet baby girl. What a little treasure she is. There is nothing quite so sweet as being loved by Molly Rose. 

Well, today is our first day back at this homeschooling thing. Molly is beginning kindergarten with Catholic Heritage Curricula, and Lucy will begin second grade with the same program in July. 

This morning started out great, but with my health issues, we only got about an hour of work done before I got sick. Luckily, kindergarten is simple and we have all day. Lucy actually stayed home today, as her school is testing and she's incredibly bored there this week. Her teacher is also out with a broken arm, so we decided she could skip a day of busy work and stay home to catch up on religious ed work. We worked on about three chapters, and did most of Molly's work before I started getting sick, so that was awesome. Claire is really into it, and she had a great time chiming in and participating. 

However. My expectations were again dashed a bit. I was forced to admit that with homeschooling, we will have to use our entire day, and I will have to be more flexible than I was willing to be this am. I had grand visions of sitting down at 8am and all of the girls sitting attentively at the table, but it turned into Claire screaming the Glory Be while she jumped on the couch, two 14-month-olds growling under the table, Lucy begging me for busy work when I really wasn't prepared and Molly crying because she'd rather use a glue stick than a pencil. I just took a deep breath and thoughts to myself, "I have all day. I am the queen of this castle and there is nothing to do but love them." I made them some cinnamon rolls, sorted some laundry and re-applied my smile. Today is going to be challenging anyway, because mommy can't eat the day before a colonoscopy. Gag. I'm already starving and it's not even noon! So that really doesn't help my mood...

I think that the hardest part of homeschooling Molly is NOT homeschooling Lucy in the interim. I just want her home with us!  She is such an eager learner and I know it'll be so fun having her here in the summer. We will be starting the official school year in July, but Molly is getting started now with kinder and we will work slower in the summer and fall and let her absorb Lucy's work as we go. Kindergarten is really just a time of getting into routines and setting practices in place, so Molly's biggest job in the next few months is to help me work out the kinks in the schedule and getting the younger ones used to practicing patience. 

Laundry calls, you know...and so does my stinky Claire. Looks like I have just enough time to bathe everyone before lunch! And then I get to watch everyone eat lunch...sigh.

Max up top on tactical, Miles down below for ground support and backup.

That awkward moment...

...when you're stuck in a drawer and Mommy would rather take pictures than rescue you. You know that moment.