Fridge Pics.

I love how Catholics worship saints and Mary and all that weird Catholic voodoo. You know how they all get together and invoke the spooky Catholic Saint Magic? And then there's the chanting and singing and praying and candles and graven images...whew. Those weirdo Catholics...you've heard of this, right?

Right?

No?

Yeah...me neither.

I'm going to say this once. Catholics do not worship saints. Okay, fine. I'll say it again. Catholics do not worship saints. Twice should be enough, right?

(I would like to take this moment to pause and tell you that I am blogging from my garage. I'm having major trouble concentrating because Andrew is cleaning the garage and I am keeping him company in my robe and fuzzy socks. It's probably because he's a dominating Catholic man who wants me off birth control and under his thumb 24/7, but I digress. Another topic for another day.)

Oh, right. Saints.

Okay, so imagine you have this family friend who is always SO kind and nice to everyone. She's just the best of the best, and is a really great example of what a person should be. Everyone's all, "That Nancy is just such a sweetheart. Always feeding the hungry, visiting the imprisoned, clothing the naked, what a gal. I'll bet she's headed straight to heaven when she dies!" (I know several people like this. Admirable. Maddening.)

So then your friend Nancy gets sick and everyone knows she's leaving her mortal coil. (Ha! Grandma Susie loved that phrase.) Everyone says to Nancy, "Hey girl, when you get up to the Pearly Gates, put in a good word for me with the Big Guy, okay?" (trust me, people say really insensitive and crazy things to dying people.) But of course Nancy just smiles serenely and says, "You're always in my prayers!" That Nancy...headed straight for Heaven.

So then Nancy goes to her eternal reward and everyone misses her very, very much. They put pictures of her on their refrigerators and when they need a little guidance, they think to themselves, What would Nancy do in this situation? What would Nancy say? Gosh I wish I could just talk to Nancy one more time. Maybe they even throw up a little, "Hey Nance, if you can hear me right now, maybe you could put in a word with the Big Guy for me?"


Gosh...admiring Nancy's virtues? Imitating her good behavior? Putting her picture on your fridge? Talking to her? Creeeeeeepyyyy....I mean, Nancy's dead. Get those pictures out of there! And for crying out loud, stop acting like her! Am I right or am I right?


.....aaaand that's basically a saint.

No, really, what else can I say? Saints are merely average people who have done extraordinary things in the face of adversity and modeled a true passion for the love of Christ and his Church. They're the Faithful who've gone before us, people we admire for their virtues, friends we've never met. We pray to them for guidance, for inspiration and for a good word with the Big Guy. We love them because we aspire to be like them. The saints were great thinkers, great writers, great warriors, great priests, great wives, great people.

And the graven images?

Fridge pics, y'all. Fridge pics.