Old Maid - walmart style

We just got home from stocking stuffer shopping. It's always a highlight. I was browsing around and found a party-favor pack of children's card games. Old Maid, Matching, Crazy 8's, etc. Looked like something Lucy would love, so I grabbed it. Tiny little cards, so cute!

We got home and I filled up the stockings and threw them in the top of my closet, dedicated-mom style. We put our dirty kids in bed right away, planning to bathe them tomorrow. Nothing like bellies full of Icees and chips to top them off for the night.

So, kids are in bed and Andrew's feeling punchy. Or maybe I am. There are little packets of cards left over, so I crack open Old Maid. To preface, I'm sitting cross-legged on our bed and Andrew is wandering the house looking for sharp objects because I won't let him open a plastic package with my sewing scissors. (I know. Who would?!)

Our conversation goes as follows:

L: Come play Old Maid.
A: No way. You won't let me use your scissors.
L: SEWING scissors. No way. Come in here and play!
A: Who even knows how to play Old Maid?
L: I do. It's easy! Get in here!
Andrew flops onto the bed with his now-open bendy tripod. It hooks around anything! (Except elephant legs. Cause they're very big. But we thought maybe baby elephant legs.) It was supposed to be for Christmas. Whatever.
A: Fine.
L: Okay, just go through your cards and pick the matches and put them face up. Then we draw out of each other's hands and whoever has the Old Maid at the end loses.
A: I have no matches.
L: Weird. Neither do I! And I shuffled!
A: Sure. Okay.
He draws Cowgirl Wendy from my hands, sticks it in his hand and says, "Okay. Go." I stare blankly.
L: Dude. Put the match on the table.
A: I don't have one.
L: Shut up.
A: I don't!
L: You have to. It's a matching game.
A: I don't.
L: Show me your cards. You have to have another Cowgirl Wendy.
A: I promise I don't. Only one Wendy.
L: Fine. Put it down on the table and I'll go.
I draw secretary Jackie.
A: Secretary Jackie's hot, isn't she?
L: Well, there's only one of her!
Upon further inspection, it's discovered that there are NO matches in our Old Maid game.

So I decide to play the matching game. Alone. As luck would have it, there are also no matches in the matching game. A decent parent would return it and get her $2.00 back. But the thought of Lucy losing her mind when she can't figure out why her matching game doesn't match wins over sticking it to commercialism and the lack of fair trade in this world.

Happy Holidays, indeed.