Waiting Game.

I've miscarried before. It was awful. No one likes finding out they're pregnant, getting all excited, talking about names and then finding out that you're not going to have a baby after all. In plain English, it sucks hardcore.

My first miscarriage was not a "bad" one. I took a pregnancy test and went in about a week later for bloodwork. When they saw that my HCG was very low, they did a sonogram and there was nothing there. Like nothing at all. My HCG was probably only high enough to just tip a pregnancy test. It wasn't a hard loss because it was very plain to see that while something recognized that I was pregnant, we didn't even have so much as a blink of something physical to miss. This pregnancy is very different in that we've seen our babies, and that is really a "no turning back" point for me in my devotion to my unborn children.

SO, my doctor called me today and said that I have low progesterone. All I remembered was that when I miscarried, they put me on progesterone. So I freaked. Full-on hysterics. I totally lost it. All I could think was, "I saw their hearts beating two days ago and now they're in danger. I am going to die from hysteria."

It turns out that low progesterone and low HcG are two totally different things. My last pregnancy was HCG-related and probably a matter of very delicate balances at that point. This pregnancy is past that point. Now we're into progesterone territory. HCG helps the embryo develop and because they saw two beating hearts, they didn't test for HcG, because that was clearly working fine. Once you have heartbeats, they're not worried about numbers doubling. Progesterone is what takes baby from embryo to fetus and helps keep the pregnancy in the womb. It thickens the uterine lining and prevents your body from expelling the pregnancy. My babies are getting very close to crossing over and depending on my body to keep them in place, so progesterone is getting more important as the hours crawl by.

We have reasons to be hopeful that everything will work out. I started progesterone supplements tonight, which will help add enough to keep the pregnancy going, IF everything is okay as it stands today. Because we saw the heartbeats, the risk of miscarriage is significantly lower. That's a really good sign. And, some women do carry a pregnancy into the second trimester with mysteriously low progesterone and no supplements. At this point, it's a waiting game. We're waiting to make sure the progesterone climbs and that the babies can "cross over" to using their placentas without complication. We have an appointment this coming Tuesday to check on the babies again and will probably do another round of bloodwork. I plan to do nothing but sleep until then to make the time pass quickly. My nerves are pretty shot right now.

I am still moderately hysterical, but this is in God's hands. If he sees fit to bring our babies to Him now, who am I to question His plan? In the meantime, I hope that His plan is to put them into our care for many, many happy years. I am, as always, His trusting servant.