one sweet nap

Well, that was a fantastic afternoon nap. I am trying to get caught up on housework, but when I'm awake enough to actually DO the housework, it means the painkillers are wearing off and I'm in pain again. The girls are such fantastic kids and are really being so helpful and easygoing. I just couldn't imagine them not being here. It's more work having them around, but lots more smiling too.

I saw the ENT this morning and while he didn't have much to offer, he did say that he thinks we're on the right track trying to deal with the inflammation. The problem is, anti-inflammatories aren't safe in the third trimester. I have to get the inflammation under control to make the pain go away, but that's hard to do when nothing is safe. I can't do another 6 weeks of painkillers, so everyone is a little stumped at this point. I am going to do fish oil, and my chiro has suggested acupuncture, but it's pricey and there's no guarantee that it'll work. That could just be the 5 copays from the past two days talking, but I really don't know if I can handle $50 a pop to "try it and see what happens."

So I'll hear from my OB in the morning, and in the meantime I'm trying to power through and get some housework done! I'm SO well-rested, because the pain meds keep putting me to sleep SO well, and I know that if I'm feeling tired, it's probably just a side effect at this point. Staying on my feet and keeping active seems to help.

Everything else here is status quo - very quiet lately! My sewing machine is totally pooping out on me and we're not on speaking terms at this point. It's in pieces on the dining room table, so I'm going to go in there and talk nice to her for a bit. I really want to finish these nursing covers, and I really don't want to use the "other machine."

I'm using Grandma Susie's machine right now, and I have a mental block as far as using anything else. The grief seems to be getting worse as the days and weeks pass. I thought that the first few months would be the hardest, but I feel like every day gets a little more painful. My dryer sheets smell like her, and I have this paranoia of running out, so I only use them on the stuff I really like. Molly loves to help me do the laundry, which consists of her standing in front of the dryer and me handing her the wet clothes one piece at a time. When we're finally done, I hand her a Grandma Susie dryer sheet and she says, "Smell!" and inhales as deeply as she can. She always smiles and tosses it in as she exhales. Grandma Susie would adore Molly. She loved little "imps," as she called them, and Mo is definitely an imp. I'd like to think the hormones are what is making the grief so bad right now, and that it'll all be better once the baby's here. But I get the sense that maybe it'll be years before I can even talk about her for very long.