Supernatural Gestation.

You know in Twilight where Bella gets pregnant and she's all pumped and then she gets sick? Everyone's all, "Dude, we're psyched for you, but your baby is going to kill you from the inside!" and Bella's all, "what? No way! My baby can read my mind and it'll never kill me!" And then it does anyway and they have to turn her into a vampire to "save her life." (at least I think that's how it went- speed reading sometimes cheats us out of the details, but that's how I roll.)

Anyway, I'm pretty sure that I've self-diagnosed my problem. I'm pregnant with a vampire and it's killing me from the inside. I'm all, "Baby Vampire, can you hear my thoughts? Please don't kill your mother!" and Baby Vampire is all, "Whatever, lady. I'm soulless and hungry!" There is no way a mortal baby can be this strong. I'm still working out just how Andrew and I conceived a vampire, but the details are becoming clearer the more pregnancy drives me to insanity.

My insides are truly suffering. If this baby doesn't get out soon, I will die. What I still can't figure out is why my vampire baby gets the hiccups several times a day if vampires don't breathe...curiouser and curiouser...