The C-Section Files

I am struggling a lot with whether or not to have a routine repeat c-section. To recap my labor and delivery with Lucy, I was in labor for about 40 hours. I was induced with Cervidil, had no progress, started pitocin, had some progress, my water broke, a little more progress, got an epidural so I could sleep after 24 hours, made a little more progress, and on and on and on. I pushed for over 3 hours and after 3 failed vacuum attempts and some scary stuff, we did an emergency c-section.
I remember my labor and delivery as easy, fun and exciting. Women's minds have a tendency to paint a beautiful picture of the whole thing, no matter how bad it was, so that we go back for more. Andrew remembers it as it really was, and I think he's a little more apprehensive about trying a natural delivery again.
I will always maintain that labor and delivery are harder for a man than they are for a woman. When you're the one doing the "work," you're in the zone and it just flies by. Women can handle any amount of physical pain, no problem. But I really think that there is nothing worse than watching the love of your life struggle with immense pain.
Andrew was my shining star through L&D. He was such a dear and just jumped in with both feet and made it happen. He never showed me how scared he was, he never failed to stop pushing me, he just sailed right through without so much as a hesitation. I knew that he'd be that way when I married him. He's just a seamless, do-what-needs-doing guy.
So, making the decision on what to do about this little girl is tough. I think that Andrew still has a lot of clear memories of what really happened when Lucy was born. I don't remember much. I remember doing a lot of word searches, the helpless look on Andrew's face when they gave me the epidural, pushing and pushing and knowing deep down that all the pushing in the world wouldn't make that baby come out, all the apple juice I drank, giggling into my oxygen mask after 3 delirious days of labor, the look on Dr. H's face when he knew he had to tell me that I had to have a c-section, Andrew sitting next to me in the OR, relieved that it was finally over.
Andrew remembers the technical stuff. Watching the monitors and seeing that my contractions were never going to get that baby out, Lucy's heart rate dropping over and over, my heart rate dropping too low, the vacuum slipping off over and over and Dr. H looking helpless, seeing her head over and over and realizing that they were still going to have to cut me open. I don't remember my mom's fear as things just weren't going right. Andrew does.
I want lots and lots of babies. I love my babies. This pregnancy has been even easier than my pregnancy with Lucy, and we all remember the trouble I got into with Andrew for shoveling snow, walking for miles, staying up too late, etc. She's a very wiggly girl and is going to keep me even busier than Lucy. I want her to be a big sister to lots more babies, so it's really hard for me to accept the fact that c-sections get riskier as you have more.
However, it's also MORE dangerous than last time if I get myself to the same point that I did with Lucy. Dr. H wants to take the baby out at 39 weeks, which is standard for a repeat. I understand that a smaller baby is easier to get out and scheduling surgeries is more predictable if you do it earlier.
But part of me is still struggling with the possibility of a VBAC. I still think about how things might have been different if I'd pushed Lucy out the natural way. I know that in the end, the c-section saved our lives, but it still doesn't change the fact that it's just "not how it's supposed to be." I'm considering telling Dr. H that I'll schedule it for 41 weeks and give the baby a chance to come out on her own. But I don't know if Andrew's comfortable with that, and he's as big a player in this as I am. If it turns out that I'm going in for surgery at 41 weeks anyway, I'll be bummed if I waited those two extra weeks only to have surgery anyway.
This is a really tough decision. I know I have time, but I've been thinking about it since I was lying in the OR waiting to meet Lucy and I am no more clear on it now than I was then. I just want to do the right thing for our baby. I just don't know what that is.