The First Cut...

So, Emily (whom I love dearly and do not want to cut out) wrote a post a couple of days ago about cutting people out. As in, cutting them our of your life. Sound harsh? Sometimes it is, but many times I really think it's for the mental health of everyone involved.

I can't imagine Emily hurting anyone's feelings, ever. She could tell you just about anything and leave you with a smile. I just don't know how she does it. This is probably why she and Andrew get along so well. Two perfectly nicer than nice people, being nice to one another. It must be so...nice. I tend to speak first and think later, which is why ending relationships is so difficult for me. What's in my heart never comes out right in words. And maybe that's why so many people just leave the toxic people right where they are.

I think there have been times when I possibly should have ended a relationship, but a few have surprised me and turned around just when I thought they never would. I think that's why it's so hard for me to write someone off. For the same reason I have an old dresser in my closet waiting to be sanded and painted, I hang on to friendships, too. I'm all about potential, and I like to think that maybe things will improve and we'll be as close as ever.

There are only a few relationships in my life that have truly ENDED, and each one was heartbreaking in it's own way. I feel a need to be liked - I suppose everyone does - so it's hard to say, "Well, you might not like me, but I've gotta do this." People not liking me is just too painful a possibility.

But is it okay to stay in a relationship just because someone may resent you later? No. I don't think it is. I'm sure we all know people who are in friendships, relationships and marriages that WE can see are toxic, from the outside.

I think I'm talking in circles, here. I suppose that's because I really don't know how I feel about this subject. There are people in my life that I probably would be less stressed without. But what if I die and get to the Pearly Gates and Jesus says, "Well, there was that friendship you had where you just didn't try..." But I'm friends with a LOT of people, and there are billions of people that I don't know. I know I'm not a bad person for not knowing people, so I think, along the same lines, I wouldn't be a bad person if I let a "non-friendship" go back to the nothingness it was at one point. Right?

But what about family? That's a toughie. That, I truly have no answers for. Em? Anything?

When Andrew and I went to our marriage preparation course, the first thing we were told was this: "We're here to make sure you're coming into your marriage prepared, compatible and ready for the work it's going to take. Some of you here today will not finish this course, and you won't stay together. It's that difficult, but you'll be better for it parting ways now rather than ten years down the road." WHEW. Andrew and I looked at each other, alarmed. Can priests say that??

Wouldn't it be nice if we had the same sort of process for friendships? For the record, if you're reading this now, I'm probably not going to try to cut you out of my life, and I'm probably not hanging on to you for a potentially great friendship later. I probably like you very, very much.

What on earth am I trying to say, here? This is obviously a much more difficult topic than I realized. And I usually have all of my thoughts organized on just about anything. (Well, except which bank to use, but that's just a never-ending thing, isn't it?) The more I think (blather) about it, the more I realize I really don't know how I feel about this.

Read Em's post. She's much more eloquent than myself. And then, tell us what you think. When do YOU decide to draw the line on a friendship? What about family? And how does Jesus feel about this? I am now more curious than ever on this whole thing.