The Stay-at-Home Myth

It has occurred to me several times over the past few weeks that many people seem to think that being a stay-at-home wife means I nap and bathe all day. Many of my friends have mentioned how much they would love to stay at home. I do love it, but it's not without it's negatives. I know that at my age, it's a very rare thing to have a degree, be married to a man with two degrees and a career, and to be a stay-at-home wife/mother. I would probably just be wrapping up working now, had my job not fallen to the wayside, so this "stay-at-home wife" thing was sort of a fluke, but nice, since I was pretty pregnant by the time I left the workforce.
What do I do all day? People ask me this about 3 times a week. I do lots of things. It seems like I do more now than I ever did working. Andrew is in grad school, so I keep him organized and on track, and occasionally help him with his work. It's nice to keep my mind moving, so I like to help when I can.
I do all of the cooking and cleaning. I get up at 7am to make Andrew's lunch, and I enjoy doing it. Once he leaves, I usually watch the news and then get started on dishes, cleaning and little things I put off the night before. Once that's done, I do the budget, or at least check up on things. Andrew has very little knowledge on what happens in our financial world. I update him on important things, and he carries all of our passwords on his flash drive so he can see what's going on if he's unusually curious. Otherwise, I run big decisions by him when they come up and try to slip a $20 into his wallet once a week. Everything else is my domain.
I do a huge load of laundry once a week, which involves schlepping laundry around, driving to the laundromat, etc. I can't wait until we have the washer and dryer in the house and I can make it part of my daily routine.
I do all of the grocery shopping, and make sure Andrew has stuff for breakfast. If he runs out of cereal, I always end up making him eggs of something before he leaves for work. Andrew's only requirement is juice. He needs a full pitcher, or one coming up right away. Otherwise, he's not picky, and he'll eat absolutely anything I make. I try to involve him in deciding what to have for dinner or lunches, but I'm finding that he just doesn't care, and would rather eat whatever's on the table than think about his choices. And he eats ham sandwiches every day for lunch. I could never have someone packing lunches and making dinner for me. Deciding what to eat is my big event for the day.
I do all of our business stuff. This means figuring out taxes, investments, address changes, updating debtors, thank you notes for anything, birthdays, updating the calendar, Andrew's financial aid stuff, anything legal, etc. It seems like every day that goes by brings another "task."
I do get to sleep in and take naps. But I also never get to leave my office. And, I work until I go to bed. I can't wait to have more space to "work" in. There are no paychecks or twice-yearly reviews, and I'm never going to be promoted to anything other than wife or mom. I don't have business trips, and I don't have Christmas bonuses.
But I'll be there for every scraped knee, teary smile, drawing on the wall, first step and funny word, so it's a good trade-off. Andrew understands that in order to be happy doing what I do, and in order to feel fulfilled, he needs to remember to tell me I'm doing a good job. He always says "thank you" for dinner, and never fails to remind me that he'd be nothing without me. I'm sure he'd be something. He'd just be wrinkled, hungry and dehydrated.
I think that staying at home is a wonderful opportunity, but I know I couldn't do it well without Andrew. He's such a supportive person, and he really appreciates every little thing I do. He could care less if there are shoes all over the floor, but he always says, "Wow, this place is so nice and clean!" when he walks in the door. I couldn't have found a better person to support me through this adjustment and new way of living. I'm used to using my mind and solving problems every day. Maybe I like doing the budget so much because it's as close to challenging as it gets these days. I feel like I'm trading off using my mind for using my heart, and that's not something you really do in the workplace. It's an adjustment, like any new thing, and I thought it would come very easy to me. So far I love it, but I suppose it has its days like any job. Today was a good day. Andrew and I work like a well-oiled machine, and our hectic dinner/homework/kiss/"I think I locked the keys in the car" half hour was proof of that. It's going to be even crazier with a baby here, but she'll add so much happiness to our crazy life. At least we can start blaming the chaos on someone else!
Andrew is taking the summer off from classes, and I couldn't be happier. We want to finish this MBA as soon as possible, but it's going to be AMAZING to have a summer where we don't have to answer to Blackboard. A whole summer to spend our evenings with Lucy in our new house! I can't wait!